A calm voice and a warm hug can fix almost anything. When your child gets loud, try getting quieter. Here’s how to stay calm when your child is upset.
It’s natural to get louder when kids get louder. But yelling usually turns up the heat. A calm, low voice does the opposite. Children often follow our lead, so our calm can become their calm.
What it means for your child
A calm voice helps at every age. Here’s how.
- Babies: A soft, slow voice and gentle rocking can help a fussy baby settle. Hum a song, even the same one over and over.
- Toddlers: When they’re yelling, kneel down and whisper. Sometimes they stop just to hear what you’re saying.
- Preschoolers: Teach “smell the flower, blow out the candle” breaths. Breathe together when things get loud.
- School-age kids: Big kids can learn to notice when they’re getting upset. Help them name it and take a break before talking.
Try this tonight
Tonight, when voices rise, try going low.
- Notice when your child gets loud, and take one slow breath first.
- Kneel down, lower your voice to almost a whisper and say, “I’m listening.”
- When they’re calmer, offer a hug and say, “We figured it out together.”
Words you can use
- “Let’s take a big breath together.”
- “I’m right here. We’ll figure it out.”
- “I can hear you better when you use a quiet voice.”
At Nana’s Place
Nana’s Place has day, evening and overnight care for children 6 weeks to 12 years old at two Glendale locations. We believe calm voices and warm hugs help little ones feel safe. Come visit us.
Questions parents ask
How do I stop yelling at my kids?
Start by noticing your own warning signs, like a tight jaw or a hot face. Take a breath, step back for a moment if you can and lower your voice. When you do yell, say sorry. That teaches them too.
What’s the best way to calm a screaming toddler?
Stay close, keep your voice low and use few words. Make sure they’re safe, then wait. A hug often helps once the loudest part passes.
Staying calm takes practice, for grown-ups too. Read Big feelings are welcome here and Patience is love that waits for little legs to catch up.
